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Blog: Lizards In The Upstairs Bar

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I was in the pub last night with my brother, his Mrs, Mr P Knight, and The Pastry Round My Mince Pie, and we were having a FINE old time when we suddenly noticed a long line of IDENTICALLY attired men going by. They ALL had the same striped trousers, long black coast, shirts and tie, and they were ALL carrying identical briefcases. Wave after wave of them went up and we fell to discussing what on EARTH was going on - a BOUNCERS' convention? SPIES? Or - as the aforesaid Ties On My Apron asserted - MASONS?

We were loudly discussing it when a small GREY coated gentleman went by. "AH!" i said "He must be the leader, he's the only one allowed to wear GREY!" "No, it's this bloke just coming in" said someone to our right, and we realised that we were stood next to even MORE black coated blokes. These ones, however, were obviously the NAUGHTY ones, who, if back seats of a bus were available would SIT on them, as they were getting in a cheeky PINT before going upstairs. I asked what it was about and they said "DEVIL WORSHIP!"

We pretended to believe them, but i asked again when we got to the bar to find that they were indeed MASONS. AHA! You'd think a SECRET SOCIETY in thrall to our LIZARD OVERLORDS would make a bit more effort about a secret dress code wouldn't you? And possibly meet in a FLYING SAUCER rather than a pub. Mind you, it was The Ship in Holborn, where the BEER is DELICIOUS.

Once they'd all gone there was much more room and we rather JOYOUSLY managed to get ourselves a proper TABLE. Pete got some Mince Pies, we discussed Highlights Of 2007, and I inadvertently drank some VERY STRONG BEER. It was CHRISTMAS-TASTIC!

posted 20/12/2007 by MJ Hibbett

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all the pubs round holborn way be full o' masons on a semi-regular basis what with teh GIANT LODGE on great queen street (as seen in like every third film ever), i kind of got used to it in 5 years of working round there...
posted 20/12/2007 by CarsmileSteve

How do you mean "inadvertently drank some VERY STRONG BEER"? Did you not realise it was very strong, or did it just accidentally fly into your mouth while you were tying your shoelace?

A very merry Christmas to you and the aforementioned Pastry, sir!
posted 21/12/2007 by Pete Green

I was, as ever, trying to follow The Golden Rules but as there was nothing even VAGUELY applicable available I went for the beer that LOOKED the lightest on the label... a schoolboy error, i know. When it arrived it was like MILD in HUE, but not in STRENGTH.

It may also have been the side effects of all the ILLUMINATI MIND CONTROL going on upstairs, but by the end of the evening i felt thoroughly Winter Warmed!
posted 21/12/2007 by MJ Hibbett

They all had a "long black coast"? An oil slick in Holborn?
posted 30/12/2007 by John Kell

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