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Blog: Rage Against The Machine: My Important Statement

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There's been a lot of talk these past few days about this whole "Get Rage Against The Machine To Be Christmas Number One" THING. My initial thoughts were "BAH!" but also "HUMBUG!" as Sony own both that and the X-Factor song, and both songs are POO. It was a misguided piece of foolishness, I thought.

And then I read this article in The Guardian which says, to save you the bother, "It would be fun."

"AHA!" I thought, "Actually, YES IT WOULD BE!" for LO! loads of people will get their knickers in a RIGHT twist about it, and JOY will thus be spread around for everybody else. "But who will it righteously annoy?" you may ask. Here's a CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN:

AT FIVE! Simon Cowell! Imagine him on telly having to pretend to "enjoy the joke" as his annual parade of THUNDEROUSLY DULL Number Ones screeches to a halt.

AT FOUR! Pompous Rock Critics! Yes, we know the song's a cacophony of the obvious and AMAZINGLY we're even aware that it's also on Sony but guess what? WE DON'T CARE!

AT THREE! Over Serious Emo Kids! We bought it FOR A LARF! We're not even going to LISTEN to the silly old song as we believe it to be RUBBISH! Now, stop sitting over there moping and have some EGGNOG!

At TWO! Grumpy Old Sods! No, it won't make a difference to the global corporate nature of pop music, but then neither does sitting around MOANING about it, does it?

AND AT NUMBER ONE THIS WEEK! Rage Against The Machine themselves - who will be forced by a nation DRUNK ON CHRISTMAS JOY to appear LIVE on Christmas Top Of The Pops wearing Santa Costumes, driving a reindeer sleigh laden festooned with GIFTS, to sing a special CHRISTMAS version where the course will go "Heck Yes, I will do what you ASK me - and pass the cranberry sauce to my NAN."

Isn't that a BEAUTIFUL VISION of Christmas Larks? I'm off to buy my copy after work - I just hope the Virgin Megastore's open late!

posted 15/12/2009 by MJ Hibbett

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