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Blog: What We Did On Our Holidays

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You find me today BEFUDDLED, SLEEPY, COLD and unable to comprehend why it has gone noon and I have not as yet had any BEER, for LO! it is my first day back at work after HOLIDAYS!

Our destination was Tenerife again, for a week this time, and it all went AMAZINGLY smoothly. Even TYPING that feels risky, as if somehow something could still go AWRY, but apart from a slight delay to our return trip everything went GRATE. Things were SO PEASY at Gatwick in fact that The Staff At My Station and I had to find a Security Employee to ask what was going on. It was almost TOO efficient!

The only non-efficient elements were a) us being confused by everything being DIFFERENT to how we remembered it then eventually realising this was because we had always gone from the North terminal before and were currently at South and b) the bar at Weatherspoons, which took FOREVER. Being British we formed an orderly, grumbling, queue, although at one point I had to step forward and REPRIMAND somebody who had decided to ignore it and go straight to the bar. I pointed out that we were queuing and he said "It's a BAR! If I queue it'll take half an hour." "Yes," I said, doing a STEELY GLARE, "It will." He flounced off - I felt like a SUPERHERO!

When I eventually did get served the kitchens proved to be SUPER efficient though - our chips got back to our table before I did!!

The flight was ACE as we had three seats between the two of us (that happened last time we went to Tenerife too, it doesn't half make a difference) and when we arrived at our Apartment Complex we were told that we had A PENTHOUSE! This meant we could see TEIDE, the volcano in the middle of the island, from our balcony. Last time we'd been to Tenerife we hadn't managed to get up it so were determined to do so this time!

Tenerife seems to be quite CHEAP (compared to Majorca where we usually go, and DEFINITELY compared to That London!) so we KINDLY and HELPFULLY put CA$H into the local economy by going to the bar a lot. On our first night a gentleman we named Juan Shuttleworth was playing the keyboards, and over the course of the week we saw flamenco dancers, a violin player, and a lot MORE keyboards with the EASY CHORDZ function switched on. I wonder if holiday resorts ever question their constant use of "entertainment"? On the Friday night, when there wasn't any, there seemed to be a general air of RELIEF amongst all holidaymakers!

On the Tuesday we were picked up by a man called Pedro, to take us to the volcano. He was GRATE - he seemed to be a Local Legend as people greeted him wherever we went, and he told us at length about how proud he was of the island, with its Trade Winds and various different landscapes. He told us it was called "a little continent" about 17,000 times but we didn't mind, it felt an HONOUR to be in the back of his car.

Going up the mountain was pretty incredible - we drove through clouds, saw humans habitations disappear, forests end, and finally emerged onto a MARTIAN LANDSCAPE. When we got to the cable car we were told that it was closed, so we couldn't ascend to the summit after all. It was a bit disappointing, and Pedro offered to take us another time if the winds stopped, but they never did, so it looks like we might have to go back another time!

The day after that we got a BUS round the coast (Tenerife is basically a sodding great volcano sticking out of the sea, so if you want to go ANYWHERE you have to go round the edges) to Los Gigantes, which is a small town with GIGANTIC (hence the name) cliffs. Here we went to a cafe run by Los Bros Mitchellos, distant cousins of our own E20 Eastenders, who were amazed and, I think, IMPRESSED, by our order of two beers and two coffees. It's the combo that will be the talk of the island by July! We went out on a boat trip to look at the cliffs, and were amazed to find we had the WHOLE BOAT all to ourselves on the way out, we felt QUITE the dignitaries. AND we got free beers!

We went round the base of the cliffs to pick up some people from La Masca round the corner. There wasn't actually anywhere to dock - the boat captains got as close as they could to a small pier and then passengers had to JUMP aboard! I don't think I've ever seen anything like it, it looked DANGEROUS and we were Rather Glad we had a round trip. On the way back we soared across the waves and then suddenly were in amongst a family of dolphins. It was ASTOUNDING and totally unexpected, we couldn't quite believe it was happening.

Other highlights included going to most of the Veggie restaurants (there's LOADS of veggie stuff, also Gluten Free options EVERYWHERE), doing quite a lot of paddling in the sea, seeing LIZARDS all over the place, and, on our last day, going to a "Street Art" festival. This turned out to be Street Entertainers, doing the internationally recognised art of shouting at crowds and Being A Bit Aromatic. We didn't stay long - we went back to the bar instead!

The general DELIGHT of it all continued even unto our transport home, as we boarded a big old bus back to the airport expecting it to travel round the town picking other people up, only to find we had it ALL to ourselves. It took us about an hour to work it out, at which point we gingerly took a couple of bags of our laps and put them on another seat - we didn't want to get told off did we?

It was all pretty fantastic really, which is why being back at my desk feels a bit STRANGE and blurry. Surely this isn't what I'm meant to be doing? Where is my WINE?!?!

posted 15/5/2017 by MJ Hibbett

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