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Blog: Feeling A Bit Of A Perforation

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For the past few Wednesdays I have been going to my local Sports Injury Clinic after work to have some ACUPUNCTURE done. It only opened fairly recently and we got a FLYER in our letterbox about it, so after some deliberation with The Mail In My Pigeonhole I decided to give it a go to see if it would sort my PSORIASIS out. Psoriasis is a SKIN THING that I've had for YEARS and have tried MANY different ways to cure, from Chinese Medicine to Pestering The NHS, with none of them ever really getting rid of it for good. My most recent trip to a Skin Specialist at our local hospital was as dispiriting as ever - basically a man shrugging his shoulders and giving me some STEROID CREAM to plaster over it - so I thought I'd try NEEDLES instead.

A lot of my first appointment in the clinic was taken up with a CHAT, during which the (very jolly) practitioner told me that one of the "side effects" would be a lessening of anxiety. This is CONSIDERABLY more appealing than the side effects of steroid cream (thinning skin) or Chinese medicine (horrible taste and smell) and I certainly did feel less anxious afterwards... until about 11pm, at which point our washing machine stopped working!

The machine felt better in the morning, and so did I, and so I've continued going and I THINK it's working. It's hard to tell because Psorisais - or "scabby elbow syndrome" to give it its technical name - comes and goes, but it's definitely not getting worse, and I also THINK the experience is calming my BRANE down a bit. The weird thing about it all though is that it's a LOT less SPIRITUAL than I thought it would be. The practitioner is, as I say, a jolly chap who has not mentioned CHI or CHAKRA once yet, which is a bit disappointing. I wish he WOULD, rather than the occasional attempts to make it sound "scientific". In my experience Alternative Practitioners ALWAYS try and make it sound Scientifc but I wish they wouldn't as as they almost always get it WRONG. Tell me it's AURAS or something, Alternative Practitioners, and I'll be happy!

It's also very much NOT spiritual when the actual NEEDLES go in. I thought this was going to be all INCENSE and ZEN but actually it is some bloke sticking a bunch of bloody NEEDLES into you. I can't always feel ALL of them, but some I flipping well can, especially ones in my HAND that I can flipping SEE. There's also some that go in the Upper Leg which, weirdly, always make me EXTREMELY CONSCIOUS of the existence of the MUSCLES in my body - usually I wonder around feeling like a Floating Entity, unconnected to tawdry physical existence, but when that needle goes in my thigh suddenly I am aware that I am a mass of MUSCLES and BONES that are all working together.

I think I'd prefer the INCENSE to be honest, and maybe some chanting, but so far it seems to be working, and NEITHER of us have made a "Bit of a Prick" joke yet, so I reckon I'll keep going!

posted 23/9/2019 by MJ Hibbett

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Bloody vegan
posted 23/9/2019 by

Bloody vegan (take 2, didn't mean to be anonymous)
posted 23/9/2019 by Pauly

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