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Blog: Best Man

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Sorry for the lack of updates this week past, my mind has been full of THORT re. my duties this weekend as BEST MAN for my friend Chris... I was a bit NERVOUS at the prospect, tho in the end it all turned out LOVELY. The Declaration In My Wedding Service and I went up to Sunny Northampton on Friday, checked in, then went for a DRINK with Chris's family, who were all in HIGH HUMOUR, especially on the subject of SMINTS. Next morning it was GLORIOUS sunshine, so we went for a bit of a stroll around the park, finding that actually Northampton is a LOT nicer than it seemed last time we saw it. Mind you, that was in the Winter on a Saturday night, as opposed to Spring on a Saturday morning when there's a lot less people being sick, trying to fight you, or crying outside chip shops.

Chris joined us and told us MANY of the TERRIBLE THINGS that can go HORRIBLY WRONG at a wedding which The Vicar had told him the week before, after which i got almost as worried as he was. We got ourselves READY and headed off to the Church in a nearby village, everyone rolled up, and Chris and I spent a slightly NERVY 25 minutes or so waiting for the bride. Actually I quite enjoyed that bit, as all we had to do was sit around and wait, and as Chris kept saying, Karen is generally late anyway, so it was only the last 5 minutes or so that were particularly NERVOUS.

She turned up and looked FAB - Chris kept looking back to see if he could see her, and when she came down the aisle he did THE LOOK that goes "Oh WOW!" that is pretty much the BEST BIT of any wedding. Aaah! Eyes were MOIST all over. The service all went off fine - it was a bit weird for me as I was obviously stood RIGHT at the front, and I've never been that close to THE ACTION before. "They're speaking much more clearly and loudly than at most weddings, i can hear EVERYTHING!" i thought. "Oh yeah, that's probably because they're about 1 foot away from me isn't it?"

One of the SCARY things the vicar had told them was that if ANYBODY says ANYTHING at all in the "Does anyone object?" bit, even for a LARF, then the whole thing gets STOPPED and can't start again until the next day, so there was NO HILARITY AT ALL about the massive sighs of relief everyone HEAVED at that point. Then it was MY BIT, when i did NOT go for the Comedy Pocket Pat searching for the rings, as I'd spent an HOUR worrying about it. I was supposed to sit down at that point, but found myself HEMMED IN and had to wait until Appropriate Moment to SNEAK past the groom to my lonely seat in the front row.

Singing, hymns, sermon, "I Will", ALL THAT - it was all lovely and exciting and GRATE and suddenly they were all married and everything. We trooped outside for pictures which, as ever, took a lot longer than you'd think, then piled back to the hotel for the reception. I went to work AGAIN - oh! the labours i endured! - bossing everyone about to get them into the queue for the line-up. I must say i did enjoy that ASPECT of the day, i got to boss people about all day AND act like it was my SACRED DUTY. ACE!

The night before Chris's mate Paul had told me ALL about the time he'd been arrested for STEALING (NB from Games Workshop - rock and roll!) which I thought I'd stick into my speech, so was SURPRISED to find Chris bringing it up himself over the meal. I also sat next to The Father Of The Bride, who was a lovely chap. He had his notes printed onto CARDS, which seemed VERY organised.

Before long it was speech time, and all was groovy - the Father Of The Bride's speech was lovely, Chris got all EMOTIONAL about VARIOUS topics (and looked happier than I've EVER seen him, i think), and then it was ME. URK! also FEAR! but it all seemed to go pretty well - the gags about BANDS went OK, the biggest LARF was for a GAG that The Marzipan In My Wedding Cake had suggested the night before, and Chris's daughter Dora was DELIGHTED to hear that her father had once been arrested. PHEW!

Afterwards we sat around with The Leicester Contingent and told Chris's son Patrick some Tales From Days Of Yore. This was MUCH fun, and it also answered many questions about weddings from my own childhood - I always remember there being groups of BLOKES at such events making a big effort to be PALLY and me not knowing why, now i know that at ALL weddings there will be Mates Of The Parents who haven't seen their friend's children for YEARS and suddenly feel really guilty about the FACT. Me, Neil, Simon and Jamie thus fulfilled our roles as BAD UNCLES amicably. At one point SHANDY may even have been procured...

After that there was DANCING, and OH! how we danced! The phrase "A bunch of Dad's at a Wedding Disco" has never been so fitting and we cut a rug like nobody's business, with our respective LADIES joining us for some EXCELLENT ROCKING OUT well into the lateness. It was GRATE!

Next morning it was a more tired, more headache-y world that we emerged into, but a BLOODY HAPPY one. What a lovely weekend!

posted 8/5/2006 by MJ Hibbett

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