Blog: Neighbourhood Watch

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There's been a bit of STRIFE in my locality over the last few months - a general RACKET out the front AND round the back, some STABBINGS, someone attacked with ACID, and the other week a full-on POLICE RAID (featuring BATONS and SHIELDS and a HELICOPTER! WHOO!) just over the road - so when we got a letter through the door asking if we'd be interested in setting up a Neighbourhood Watch scheme i thought "YES!"

Well, actually I thought "If I don't at least go along to the meeting then, in future, when I have a GOOD OLD MOAN people will be fully justified in saying 'why didn't you DO something about it then eh?' Going to a meeting seems to be the bare minimum required to enable me to continue having a GOOD OLD MOAN." Which is pretty much the same thing.

SO, The Landlady and I set off last night for our local community centre, where we were pleased to find we weren't the ONLY ones who wanted a bit of a moan - it was actually really rather nice to a) say hello to our neighbours and b) discover that it wasn't JUST us who were getting a bit fed up with it all. Really, if it had been a GOOD OLD MOAN session that would have been enough.

But that wasn't all it was, for LO! they had sent members of our Safer Neighbourhood Police Team down to meet us. You know when TV shows want to MOCK the police, and cast somewhat overweight actors who look like they are LOST without a beefburger in their hand? IT WAS HIM. "To reassure you", he said, "the acid attack wasn't gang related, it was probably completely random." THAT'S VERY REASSURING, THANKS!!

It really wasn't very impressive - I mean, I don't want to be unpleasant, but they weren't exactly CSI. "No-one has ever used acid in an attack locally before", he said. "Yes they have, there was one six months ago", replied A Concerned Resident. "If you need any help at all we're open from 10am to 10pm... usually." Thank goodness there's never any CRIME after 10pm eh? "We believe this attack was between members of the same ethnic group." "But none of the attackers were the same ethnicity as the person mugged, were they?"

It was all a bit like that really, and after a while it seemed a bit CRUEL to expect them to, well, MANAGE TO DO ANYTHING. They looked like they might CRY and need a HOTDOG to cheer them up. We were also told that we could HELP the police by ringing their different teams to give them information... although they hadn't bought enough sheets with them to let us HAVE THE PHONE NUMBERS.

Still, it was GRATE to actually SPEAK to the neighbours and i think we ARE going to try and get involved, especially if it means we can have a PROPER MOAN without anyone trying to stop us with "reassurances". I was a BIT disappointed that they didn't immediately issue us with TAZER GUNS or anything, but I AM holding out for a BADGE!

posted 14/7/2009 by MJ Hibbett

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