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Blog: Why The High Street Is Dying

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Over the weekend The Goods In My Stock Cupboard and I embarked on a shopping expedition, during which I underwent one of the WORST EXPERIENCES available to Modern British Middle-Aged Gentlemen: trying to buy TRAINERS.

Most of the expedition was a DELIGHT - when I got home from Edinburgh I realised that a large proportion of my clothes were KNACKERED, so had set out to get some MORE. Most of the trip was PEASY, but when I went to get TRAINERZ it was HELLISH. I started off in Sports Direct, which always reminds me of THE WALKING DEAD i.e. it looks like there's been an APOCALYPSE of SHOES in there, with items strewn EVERYWHERE, people stumbling around, and nobody meeting your eye. I found some trainers that looked wearable and then was IGNORED by young people who would - FOR SOME REASON - rather talk to OTHER young people or GURLZ than talk to me. I felt like an unwanted guest at a posh restaurant. Eventually a YOUTH took my single shoes and spoke into a walkie talkie. Eventually he looked in my general direction said "These. Not these" which I took to mean that they had one pair in my size but not the other. Five minutes later they arrived, I tried them on, but could take no more so FLED. Nobody noticed.

My next stop was WORSE. It LOOKED fancier, but inside it was just another trainer shop... though one with a hideous secret. For lo! inside this shoe shop I saw groups of MEN - SHOE SHOPPING FOR PLEASURE!

I could scarce believe mine eyes - what on earth has the world come to? Have we run out of football teams to support? Have all the shelves been attached to all the walls? Do train sets no longer exist? Do trains go unspotted? For here, at the weekend, were groups of men MERRILY LOOKING AT SHOES as if it was FUN. Backs were slapped, jokes were made and SHOES - SHOES!!! - were looked at. Were there really NO record shops they could have stood in? OR PUBS?!?!?

I went into a couple of other shops and had the same experience - SURELY there is a better way to buy shoes than THIS, i thought? Surely they could just PUT OUT the shoes they actually HAD? And put AWAY the ones people had already tried on? CLOTHES shops seem to manage different sizes and styles of items, is it THAT difficult for shoe shops?

Luckily The Socks On My Feet RANG just as I'd entered my fourth shop, and was about to collapse to the floor, SOBBING. She'd had enough solo shopping so we went and had a CUPPA, bought some SHIRTS at high speed from M&S (MIDDLE AGED) and Fat Face (where they were playing Allo Darlin'!), then went to the PUB, by which time I had pretty much calmed down from the whole awful experience.

And when I got home I bought some new trainers online for half the price they'd been in any of the horrible shops!

posted 16/9/2013 by MJ Hibbett

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Adidas Samba!
posted 16/9/2013 by Gary

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